Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
