Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
