you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
