just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
