somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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