I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
