bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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