Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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