That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
