Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
