What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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