Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
