I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
