I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize