I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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