This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
