i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
