Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
