I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
