if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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