if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize