My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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