one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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