he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
