there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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