Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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