you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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