i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
