i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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