She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize