i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
