Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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