I seem to have left my pride at pride
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
