He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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