I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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