My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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