apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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