You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
