Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
