I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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