i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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