We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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