she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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