i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
