I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
