I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
