so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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