My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
