do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
