So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
