I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
