As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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