porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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