I heard we made out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
