it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
