I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
