he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
