that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
