I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there is glitter all over my balls
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