Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
