we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
