When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
