i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
