She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
