i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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