I just pynch a tree in the face
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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