Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
