the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
