ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I CAN MOONWALK!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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