I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
