I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
