So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
