You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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