Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
