dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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