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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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