last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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