The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
