ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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