I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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