I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
