the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
