I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
