I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
