My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
