She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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