I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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