so explain again why im purple
no
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
