I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
