Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
