I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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