I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
