Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
