yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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