don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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