Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
