I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
